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Funnies Thread - Feel Free to Add More - Page 61
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Thread: Funnies Thread - Feel Free to Add More

  1. #601
    Manager
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Standish
    Posts
    10,927
    Parked up today right behind an ambulance.

    The furious driver came out and pointed to a sign on the back which read. "Please leave at least 5.0 meters for stretcher access"

    Fuck me , I said , how tall is your patient?

  2. #602
    Team Bus Driver Sid Snot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    11,486
    Clean Sheets Win Championships. UP THE NOBBERS & CURRY POWER . Proud sponsor of the EMB.

  3. #603
    Substitute Hitchhiker's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Tabby's Star
    Posts
    491
    My daughter who is grown up (honestly) was carrying a sample
    of wallpaper from town with her mum.

    It was rolled up under her arm WHEN...

    A man approached in the opposite direction with a white stick
    under his arm

    Obviously this was a direct challenge

    She presented arms and declared "on guarde!!"

    "WHAT THE HELL - HE'S BLIND" her mother said

  4. #604
    Reserve Team
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    383
    My wife said we would have less arguments if I wasn’t so pedantic. Fewer I said, fewer arguments not less.

  5. #605
    Team Bus Driver Sid Snot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    11,486
    A recent article in the Toronto Star reported that a female has sued Toronto General Hospital, saying that "after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex".
    A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.”

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    I child-proofed our house but the kids still get in.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    I checked myself into the Hokey Cokey Clinic. I turned myself around.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    The wife says I never listen to her, or something like that.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    Clean Sheets Win Championships. UP THE NOBBERS & CURRY POWER . Proud sponsor of the EMB.

  6. #606
    Assistant Manager
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    4,946
    Quote Originally Posted by Sid Snot View Post
    A recent article in the Toronto Star reported that a female has sued Toronto General Hospital, saying that "after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex".
    A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    I child-proofed our house but the kids still get in.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    I checked myself into the Hokey Cokey Clinic. I turned myself around.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    The wife says I never listen to her, or something like that.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    As the two ronnies once said, Sid, 'a man was arrested today doing the Hokey Cokey. A woman accused him of putting it in when he should have been shaking it all about'...............
    Dirty Harry. Spouting shite and nowt better to do since 2015.

  7. #607
    Assistant Manager
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    4,946
    I was shagging a bird from behind the other night. She said 'you'll have to be careful with me, I've got a weak heart.'
    I said 'thanks for letting me know, I'll try to miss it.'
    Dirty Harry. Spouting shite and nowt better to do since 2015.

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