A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably don't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay; you'll walk again. However, your penis was severed in the accident, and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9,000 in insurance compensation coming your way, and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch". The man cheers up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years, and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now, she might be a bit apprehensive. If you had a nine incher before, and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision"
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Indeed, yes," says the man.
"What's your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite counter tops."