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  • Originally posted by Sid Snot View Post
    His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.

    He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes. When all is ready he begins to speak.

    "My son, Bernie, I want you to take Brackenbury Road."

    "My daughter Sybil, you take the properties on Eldon Street.

    "My son, Jamie, I want you to take Plungington Road"

    "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on Ripon Street."

    The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as he slips away, the nurse says: " Your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.”

    The wife replies, "The arsehole had a paper round."

    east cheam my arse

    Comment


    • Originally posted by NORTHENDRTOPS View Post

      east cheam my arse
      At your leisure, watch this....

      https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5fcjo5
      Clean Sheets Win Championships. UP THE NOBBERS & CURRY POWER.

      Comment


      • During the war an American air force base at Burtonwood decided to have a shin dig for the men, there had been plenty of talk about who was taking who etc, On the evening of the shindig guys went all over to collect their girls. At a farm house within sight of the base lived a farmer with 3 daughters. There came a knock on the door and the farmer in a gruff voice shouted "who is it"? and the voice came back " it's Lance can I take Nance to the dance any chance"? and the farmer opened the door and sent Nance out, five minutes later another knock at the door " who is it"? said the farmer? the reply came back, "It's Jo can I take MO to the show, can we go"? and again the farmer opened the door and allowed MO to go to the show. The farmer was getting sick of these interruptions , but again a knock at the door, the farmer in a nasty voice shouted back, "who is it"? and the voice replied Tucker and the farmer opened the door and shot him!

        Comment


        • Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
          'In honour of this Holy Season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

          The Army helicopter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
          'It did make light; you may pass through the gates' Saint Peter said.


          The Air Force pilot reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
          Saint Peter said, 'They had a ring to them, you may pass through the gates’.
          The Navy pilot started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties..
          St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
          He replied, 'These are Carols.'







          Clean Sheets Win Championships. UP THE NOBBERS & CURRY POWER.

          Comment


          • The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset! You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. 'How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children. I'm leaving you. I want a divorce!'

            And the husband replied “Hang on just a minute love, soat least l can tell youwhat happened.”

            Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, “But they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!” And so the husband began :

            Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was thin, poorly dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night - the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

            "Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower, and while she was that l noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I went and found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas the one that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at that expensive show boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same.”

            The husband took a quick breath and continued - “She was so grateful for my understanding and help, and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?”
            Clean Sheets Win Championships. UP THE NOBBERS & CURRY POWER.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Sid Snot View Post
              The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset! You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. 'How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children. I'm leaving you. I want a divorce!'

              And the husband replied “Hang on just a minute love, soat least l can tell youwhat happened.”

              Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, “But they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!” And so the husband began :

              Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was thin, poorly dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night - the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

              "Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower, and while she was that l noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I went and found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas the one that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at that expensive show boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same.”

              The husband took a quick breath and continued - “She was so grateful for my understanding and help, and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?”
              Quality Sid!

              Comment


              • Woman weightlifter goes to the doctors and says,
                "I've been taking steroids and now I've grown a cock."
                "Anabolic?" asks the doctor,
                "No, just a cock."

                Comment

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