OYNB

sports rehab

Advisor to the Owner
40 years? Wow that's some going. They are involved in clubs already. I don't have time to volunteer with trying to get my business off the ground. Saving the cash for a monthly treat is a great idea.
dont be put off... I didnt set off with a 40 year target... it has just turned into that....
it didnt stop me playing cricket and going into clubs after the games etc - I just got used to orange and lemonade !

in other words dont try to aim to big,.. a month at a time for a monthly treat is perhaps a start,,

Determination to win the custody battle proves you are strong enough to make a go of things that really matter. Hopefully your business will benefit from the same level of determination... your kids have already won !

I once went on a professional course for stress management and the most important thing they told us was "once you admit you are under stress your stress levels drop 50%"..... youve started that process and dont make it a one off.
 
OP
D

DSPP

Reserve
How did it affect your relationship with your mates? Did they stop inviting you for a pint/few cans etc? Did you decline the invitations? I have a decent set of mates but all are drinkers. Bit worried how it will be recieved
 

PNE-Karl

First Team
Oh wow! What a great post. I have so much to share. I'm an alcoholic. But I can tell you the best three and a quarter years I had was attending AA meetings all across Lancashire. Every night I would be travelling to Garstang, Lancaster, Morecambe, Chorley, Leyland, Blackpool, Burnley and more for a nightly AA meeting. Just attending me these meetings kept me dry for three and a quarter years. In those years my spirit uplifted. Problems disappeared. My friends and people came back into my life. I loved it.

I loved it so much that I would often take a newcomer to their first meeting in my Mini. To see them become a regular and dry was magic. And especially when they brought a friend of theirs was the bonus. Just a suggestion. Give it a go. You'll meet loads of great people.

Thanks for your story.
 

Regardless

Forum Patron
Patron
How did it affect your relationship with your mates? Did they stop inviting you for a pint/few cans etc? Did you decline the invitations? I have a decent set of mates but all are drinkers. Bit worried how it will be recieved
I don’t drink at home nowadays. I’ll not say never - because I might on a special occasion- but rarely - though generally have a beer if in a pub. I do sometimes have an alcohol-free beer though - at home or in a pub.

Would be interesting to see what other people would advise about them. Can they be a gateway back to drinking, or are they a useful aid to keeping off alcohol?
Just saying this because I am thinking that if I’m going out with mates, but not drinking (eg driving) it feels like more of a fit with an alcohol-free beer in my hand. Having said that, the number of young people who are teetotal nowadays is astonishing - and it’s not a stigma like I think it once was.
If you Google - ONS adult drinking habit Great Britain you find interesting info. About 23% of people age 16-24 say they are teetotal. And 21% of those aged 25-44 and the proportions are growing. So for sure, you’ll be far from alone.

Good luck with it. clearly you have a plan - and relaxation is part of it. Which is vital. Not easy when there’s a continuous level of pressure around but you’re in control - and for the times when you’re not, it sounds like you’ll cope fine (y)
 

sports rehab

Advisor to the Owner
How did it affect your relationship with your mates? Did they stop inviting you for a pint/few cans etc? Did you decline the invitations? I have a decent set of mates but all are drinkers. Bit worried how it will be recieved
depends how good your mates are I guess...and how honest you can be about 'saving up to treat the kids etc. Are you doing it for your mates or you & the kids ??

for me it didnt affect anything. I started off on the non alcoholic lager stuff - Caliber and the like - then needed to turn those into pints by making them shandys so I was drinking at the same speed..... mates just accepted it....

The only difference was being able to be fun whilst sober and it wasnt a problem for me (maybe I wasnt fun either way ?).

nowadays lots of folk give up - or do a dry month - and so start by telling the mates thats what you are doing....then carry it on for the 'monthly treat fund'.

Now I'm married with kids we often go to pubs etc for food (well did) and its no problem ordering soft drinks - nobody would expect me not too..
 

sports rehab

Advisor to the Owner
I don’t drink at home nowadays. I’ll not say never - because I might on a special occasion- but rarely - though generally have a beer if in a pub. I do sometimes have an alcohol-free beer though - at home or in a pub.

Would be interesting to see what other people would advise about them. Can they be a gateway back to drinking, or are they a useful aid to keeping off alcohol?
Just saying this because I am thinking that if I’m going out with mates, but not drinking (eg driving) it feels like more of a fit with an alcohol-free beer in my hand. Having said that, the number of young people who are teetotal nowadays is astonishing - and it’s not a stigma like I think it once was.
If you Google - ONS adult drinking habit Great Britain you find interesting info. About 23% of people age 16-24 say they are teetotal. And 21% of those aged 25-44 and the proportions are growing. So for sure, you’ll be far from alone.

Good luck with it. clearly you have a plan - and relaxation is part of it. Which is vital. Not easy when there’s a continuous level of pressure around but you’re in control - and for the times when you’re not, it sounds like you’ll cope fine (y)
Regardless I partly answered this in my comments to DSPP before I read yours....
This isnt evidence as its only a sample of 1 (me) but it was a 100% success rate !!

As I mentioned, when mates are on pints and you are on bottles then it helps to slow down your need to go to the bar by turning them into pints.

you can either put 2 bottles in 1 pint (expensive) or top up 1 bottle with lemonade (gassy) This was my approach and found I could do 4 pints before getting bloated....but that was enough for me anyway... I'd go on coke then.

My mates biggest issue was that I didnt drive and so the sober one of us couldnt be the car driver!!

It soon became accepted and I gues would be even easier now based on the increased people who dont drink.

The biggest help was 'strength of mind'...why was I doing it,and I was clear why and so it wasnt an issue for me or my 'good mates'...
 
OP
D

DSPP

Reserve
Thanks for the replies guys. I absolutely get the point you both make about going on soft drinks and mates understanding. As for the question about if I'm doing it for me and the kids or my mates..... of course it's me and my kids and my mates deserting me wouldn't deter me. But I'd rather they didn't.

I wouldn't class myself as an alcoholic. Not because doing so is weak. On the contrary, it shows immense strength to admit that. But because it's not the alcohol. I have bottles of whisky that last weeks. It's the "having a beer" that gets me. A massive difference.

Anyway, I'm extremely grateful for all your support. And I'll smash this next year

Watch me
 
Managing your relationship with alcohol is a tricky one. Like anything, it’s about finding something that works for you, and realistically depends how problematic your drinking is to start with in terms of whether it’s worth going cold turkey.

My experience was that due to an extremely difficult and unrelenting period at work, I got into a bad habit of drinking at home, both regularly and heavily. It started over the festive period, enjoying a few extra drinks, and just never really stopped. For about 6 months after, I was getting through a couple of bottles of wine a night, every day of the week like clockwork.

I’ve always been a big drinker socially, but drinking at home had never been something I’d done. Clearly though, it’s an easy habit to fall into. It never really stood out as an issue at the time, given things were tough anyway. At the time, it was something to look forward to after each long day, and helped me to get to sleep by a decent time. I had bigger worries.

It was the effect on my health that ended up being the red flag to sort things out and break the habit. I’d gained just short of 4 stone in weight, and there were a few alarming warning signs that my body was struggling with the strain I was putting it under.

I was fortunate enough that at the point of deciding to change things, my work situation had resolved itself with a new role restoring a healthier work-life balance. There was nothing left to ‘cope with’, so dropping the habit almost entirely was surprisingly easy once I had a couple weeks in the bag. Personally, I still do have the odd drink socially still, which obviously isn’t right for everyone.

To me it sounds like you’ve got clear motivation for why you want to make a change. Deciding to be proactive and actually sort it out in a way that works for you can only be a positive move.
 

PNE-Karl

First Team
Managing your relationship with alcohol is a tricky one. Like anything, it’s about finding something that works for you, and realistically depends how problematic your drinking is to start with in terms of whether it’s worth going cold turkey.

My experience was that due to an extremely difficult and unrelenting period at work, I got into a bad habit of drinking at home, both regularly and heavily. It started over the festive period, enjoying a few extra drinks, and just never really stopped. For about 6 months after, I was getting through a couple of bottles of wine a night, every day of the week like clockwork.

I’ve always been a big drinker socially, but drinking at home had never been something I’d done. Clearly though, it’s an easy habit to fall into. It never really stood out as an issue at the time, given things were tough anyway. At the time, it was something to look forward to after each long day, and helped me to get to sleep by a decent time. I had bigger worries.

It was the effect on my health that ended up being the red flag to sort things out and break the habit. I’d gained just short of 4 stone in weight, and there were a few alarming warning signs that my body was struggling with the strain I was putting it under.

I was fortunate enough that at the point of deciding to change things, my work situation had resolved itself with a new role restoring a healthier work-life balance. There was nothing left to ‘cope with’, so dropping the habit almost entirely was surprisingly easy once I had a couple weeks in the bag. Personally, I still do have the odd drink socially still, which obviously isn’t right for everyone.

To me it sounds like you’ve got clear motivation for why you want to make a change. Deciding to be proactive and actually sort it out in a way that works for you can only be a positive move.
Bloody hell. Respect man!
 
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