The helpful thread

[prestonmadhouse]

As we have seen recently, many many people are struggling with some form of mental health. Whether that be due to the covid issues, winter SAD syndrome or other personal reasons. Not being able to go to football and even for no reason at all.

It is absolutely ok to feel the way you do and please know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

There are people, whose have come to light recently, whom you would have never ever thought may be suffering.

No depression or low mood is the same as somebody else’s and each and everybody’s is as important as the next person. It is NEVER trivial.

Help and advice is always available both on our forum and from the NHS. Sometimes we don’t need a doctor, we just need a chat with someone who is caring and compassionate. I can promise you, this is a great place for that, whether it be open or private messages.

Don’t forget, you can also log out and post anonymously if you prefer.

As the threats title says, this is hopefully a helpful thread where people can contribute their own ideas of what may help. Some will do this through pure helpfulness and some out of experience.

What are you’re coping methods and ways of improving your mood?

I’ll start

Getting out for a good walk by the river, canal or sea and concentrating on what I can see, hear and smell.
Take your mind off your worries and enjoy the pure nature of the earth.

 

[paddysr]

One of the best pieces of advice I have taken from the many therapists I have seen over the years is do something for yourself.

It sometimes feel as though we are made to feel selfish or that doing something for your own benefit is a negative trait. It is great to focus on other people but it is equally important to focus on yourself.

It only takes 10 minutes a day to make a difference so be it; listening to or playing music, drawing or painting, reading, gardening, playing a computer game, whatever it is that makes you happy give yourself a little time to do it. Focusing your entire life on others can be exhausting and if you are burned out you are no good to anybody, yourself included.

 

[paddysr]

Below is a link to a free online resource for anyone not comfortable discussing things on here, at home or with friends.

This used to be called The Big White Wall and is a great resource with 24/7 access to trained professionals and a wide range or resources designed to support people in need.

Whatever's on your mind, we're here - Togetherall

togetherall.com

 

[pne_monster]

It's always helpful to listen to people's experiences and offer support and empathy, but I would reiterate if you are suffering from mental health problems your GP is your first port of call. In my experience, and my experience of those around me, if it is a serious and long standing problem then counselling is incredibly helpful. It's amazing how much better it can make you feel about what's going on in your mind.

Day to day, and things I use, which admittedly are more around stress and anxiety than anything else, are talking (even writing stressors down in a list with possible solutions), exercise, films, a drink with the family - those things that take your mind off the immediate stress. I've found reframing useful, which is trying to think about a potential problem differently, and motivational quotes or pieces of writing. Not all these things work for everybody, and I know some psychologists can be a bit snobby about motivational quotes but you have to find the thing that works for you. I have a couple from the SAS and other places I use as little nudges.

One thing I do often refer to, and you may have read it, is a letter by Holly Butcher. She was a 27 year Australian who died of cancer, and the letter she wrote just before she died is profound, devastating and a reminder to me of how to approach life. It's so easy to get down about things, and I'm usually quite positive, but if you've got things weighing on your mind then sometimes a bit of a nudge towards the positive can be helpful. Here's the letter.

 

[raefil]

We are often guitly of beating ourselves up.

Ive spoken about how, to get my kids into a certain school, I had to become a church regular. It wasnt a negative experience, in truth. Some of the messages I heard have stuck with me.

Perhaps one weve all heard before, from the Bible is, "Love they neighbour as thyself."

Ive always looked on that as being decent with other human beings, which, of course it is but.......................

Until you realise that you yourself are special then you will never be able to help others. We are all individuals with differing abilities and gifts and we need to have that, "Me time," to learn to respect just how great we are as a person.

What @paddysr has said above is excellent.

 

[paddysr]

We are often guitly of beating ourselves up.

Ive spoken about how, to get my kids into a certain school, I had to become a church regular. It wasnt a negative experience, in truth. Some of the messages I heard have stuck with me.

Perhaps one weve all heard before, from the Bible is, "Love they neighbour as thyself."

Ive always looked on that as being decent with other human beings, which, of course it is but.......................

Until you realise that you yourself are special then you will never be able to help others. We are all individuals with differing abilities and gifts and we need to have that, "Me time," to learn to respect just how great we are as a person.

What @paddysr has said above is excellent.

I was in a truly awful place the last time I realised enough was enough and I needed to take action which is why I think it resonated so much with me. It was honestly the turning point.

Driving to the doctors that morning was the single hardest thing to do but he sat and listened while I basically cried at him for what felt like about 3 hours but he just sat and listened. After he referred me it took a couple of goes at finding the right therapist and medication in order for it to take but he had warned me that was possibility so I stuck with it. Probably wouldn't be here if i hadn't.

Think that's why that message has stuck with me so much as it was when I realised I could beat it.

 

[beagleman]

Didn't realise that this thread existed as well as the other mental health one.
Just read all the posts, it makes very comforting reading knowing that other like minded individuals are also prone to the evils of mental health problems.
The old thinking was you were a loony or needed to man up or grow a spine.
I've seen and done things noone should have to experience but strangely whilst i sometimes think of those incidents its not those that cause me problems... Its everyday things that really destroy my confidence and mental wellbeing.
I think its not being in control that does me. Anyway, am on citalopram now so will see how they go along with talking to family and encouragement.. Especially from you rabble who i like to consider as friends even though we have never formally met.
Always here to help anyone if i can
Thanks to all again.

 

[prestonmadhouse]

As a rule of thumb,
depression tends to be thinking of the past
anxiety tends to be thinking about the future.
Then there is a whole host of other things that can lower our mood.

Whilst is is good to think about both the past and the future, overthinking them is where problems creep in.

As Raef says, you often don’t give thought to just how special you are. You are so busy thinking about a few problems or bad things, you forget to think about all the good things in your life.

Unfortunately, SAD is slightly different, but sunshine and lots of daylight can help.

 

[pne_monster]

As a rule of thumb,
depression tends to be thinking of the past
anxiety tends to be thinking about the future.
Then there is a whole host of other things that can lower our mood.

Whilst is is good to think about both the past and the future, overthinking them is where problems creep in.

As Raef says, you often don’t give thought to just how special you are. You are so busy thinking about a few problems or bad things, you forget to think about all the good things in your life.

Unfortunately, SAD is slightly different, but sunshine and lots of daylight can help.

Definitely, ruminating is a real problem for some. That’s why talking, or simply writing issues down can be therapeutic, they’re then real and you can start to deal with them.

 

[prestonmadhouse]

Today is quite a pleasant day.
Anyone who is feeling a little down, then I urge you to get down to the park or your favourite local place, take in some fresh air, sunshine and nature.

 

[pne_monster]

Today is quite a pleasant day.
Anyone who is feeling a little down, then I urge you to get down to the park or your favourite local place, take in some fresh air, sunshine and nature.

Funnily enough the wife and I have just been for a long walk with the dog. Clean air and amazing colours. Got some decent photos even just with my phone. Felt so much better than sitting inside

 

[Dwight Schrute]

I have only just come across this thread and thought I would share some of my recent experiences.

Around 2/3 years ago I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, I'd had symptoms for years and ignored them until they got quite bad however even on diagnosis I decided to block out what I had been told and carried on my life as normal. At this point the condition was only rearing its head now and again and I managed a fairly straight forward lifestyle. Around the sametime I was pursuing a career that is initially very difficult to get in to. In January this year I managed to be successful and was accepted into said career, this was after going through a vigorous medical assessment. The job was worried about my condition and why I could understand why I pushed it through and fought any potential set backs. After getting through I was made up, ecstatic and very proud of what I had achieved for myself and my partner. Gradually however throughout the year my condition has started to flare up and the symptoms have started to disrupt everyday life for me, I carried on for as long as I could but after a really bad flare up in September I decided to resign from the job and put so much effort in to. The reason being that the job meant that I had to work shifts and this was causing me to be in a continual flare. Leaving the job left me feeling like a failure, isolated and my pride has taken on hell of a hit. Thanks to support from my partner and friends I am coming to terms with this.

One of my main problems looking back now is I never fully accepted my condition, I believe that this has a lot to do with me being a typical young male under 30 and thinking I was invincible so to speak. I didnt take my medication when first prescribed, didnt tell anyone about my condition and generally made excuses whenever I was ill. There have been times in the last few months that I have really struggled and getting outside has helped massively. Going for walks and playing 5 a side gets you out of the house staring at the 4 walls and going stir crazy. Even writing down this has been a little therapeutic. Currently, I am on my medication and doing my best not to worry about the future as stress is a major flare up for my condition. This is probably full of grammar mistakes and a bit of a ramble ect but its been good to use this platform as I way of getting things off my chest. Happy to lend a listening ear to anyone else who ever needs to rant!

 

[northender0602]

Never ever feel a failure, it’s not your fault. You achieved what you set out to do, so you didn’t fail at all. Circumstances just got in the way. Get yourself back on your feet and start afresh. Good luck👍

 

[Nobber]

I have only just come across this thread and thought I would share some of my recent experiences.

Around 2/3 years ago I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, I'd had symptoms for years and ignored them until they got quite bad however even on diagnosis I decided to block out what I had been told and carried on my life as normal. At this point the condition was only rearing its head now and again and I managed a fairly straight forward lifestyle. Around the sametime I was pursuing a career that is initially very difficult to get in to. In January this year I managed to be successful and was accepted into said career, this was after going through a vigorous medical assessment. The job was worried about my condition and why I could understand why I pushed it through and fought any potential set backs. After getting through I was made up, ecstatic and very proud of what I had achieved for myself and my partner. Gradually however throughout the year my condition has started to flare up and the symptoms have started to disrupt everyday life for me, I carried on for as long as I could but after a really bad flare up in September I decided to resign from the job and put so much effort in to. The reason being that the job meant that I had to work shifts and this was causing me to be in a continual flare. Leaving the job left me feeling like a failure, isolated and my pride has taken on hell of a hit. Thanks to support from my partner and friends I am coming to terms with this.

One of my main problems looking back now is I never fully accepted my condition, I believe that this has a lot to do with me being a typical young male under 30 and thinking I was invincible so to speak. I didnt take my medication when first prescribed, didnt tell anyone about my condition and generally made excuses whenever I was ill. There have been times in the last few months that I have really struggled and getting outside has helped massively. Going for walks and playing 5 a side gets you out of the house staring at the 4 walls and going stir crazy. Even writing down this has been a little therapeutic. Currently, I am on my medication and doing my best not to worry about the future as stress is a major flare up for my condition. This is probably full of grammar mistakes and a bit of a ramble ect but its been good to use this platform as I way of getting things off my chest. Happy to lend a listening ear to anyone else who ever needs to rant!

Proper rough condition to live with.

Hope the flare ups are minimal.

Good luck.

 

[Nobber]

Never ever feel a failure, it’s not your fault. You achieved what you set out to do, so you didn’t fail at all. Circumstances just got in the way. Get yourself back on your feet and start afresh. Good luck👍

Great post

 

[Dwight Schrute]

Thank you for the kind words. With time I'm sure I'll make peace with it and I'm determined to find another career to work towards. Luckily I have been able to find a new job for the time being so I count myself lucky in the current economic climate.

 

[paddysr]

Thank you for the kind words. With time I'm sure I'll make peace with it and I'm determined to find another career to work towards. Luckily I have been able to find a new job for the time being so I count myself lucky in the current economic climate.

I know it must have been a huge blow but have you gained any transferable skills that will allow you to operate in a slightly different career or role that you may get a similar reward from?

 

[Dwight Schrute]

I know it must have been a huge blow but have you gained any transferable skills that will allow you to operate in a slightly different career or role that you may get a similar reward from?

Yes I have, just at the current moment the job market isnt the best. I've got a couple of ideas of what to move into next hopefully when the covid situation calms down. At the moment there are a lot of people worse off than myself, being made redundant ect and the job I'm going to is an old job from a few years ago so I know the ropes so to speak.

 

[paddysr]

Yes I have, just at the current moment the job market isnt the best. I've got a couple of ideas of what to move into next hopefully when the covid situation calms down. At the moment there are a lot of people worse off than myself, being made redundant ect and the job I'm going to is an old job from a few years ago so I know the ropes so to speak.

Good luck with everything and glad you have something in the interim, takes a lot of pressure off