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Yeovil v Preston Match Report Predictor

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Competition - Write the match report before the match.

Prize for the most accurate report* - based on things such as:
  • accuracy of match outcome
  • accuracy of major incidents and flow of the game
  • flavour of the after-match reaction
  • well-written piece (but this isn't an English test)

  • Keep it short. 150 Words absolute maximum

*This is a lie
 
Preston took the field on a cold, crisp February evening against an in-form Yeovil team. This was the third encounter of the season with Preston, under the beleaguered Graham Westley, winning the other two. From the very start, Yeovil took the game to Preston and it was no surprise when ex-Carlisle striker Paddy Madden slipped the ball past debutant Declan Rudd in the 32nd minute.
In the second half Preston fought hard for the equaliser with winger Lee Holmes prominent, but they could not breach a staunch Yeovil defence. An inspired substitution by Graham Westley brought Jeffrey Monakana into the fray and his inch perfect cross led to recent signing Joe Garner heading home from close range. Preston fought hard to find the winner, but Yeovil showed dogged defensive qualities and North End were denied. Some may see this as a winning draw.
 
Westleys midweek mash up sees an unusual 6-3-1 formation being deployed with beavon and garner the full backs and huntington up top on his own, he'll be trying to hold the ball up. Preston struggle to get the ball out of their own half as huntington looks like a fish out of water up top, yeovil arse around, toying with the lilywhites, and still score 2 in the first half then add another in the second to add insult to injury! 3-0 Yeovil win, to win 7 straight. Westley says in his post match press conference we are on a 5 year plan, although this year isn't perfect he is confident he is the man to turn things around at the club and achieve these long term goals


... 22:36 this evening Graham Westley is sacked...
 
Yeovil manager, Gary Johnson, blasted his Preston counterpart Graham Westley, accusing him of skullduggery, as the Glovers went down to a surprise 4-0 home defeat.

Westley has hotly denied sending a text, purporting to come from Somerset hospital, to Yeovil keeper Marek Stech, informing him that his girlfriend had gone into labour. The keeper rushed from the ground at 7-40pm and stand-in keeper John Smith, looked ill-prepared as he spilled a 5th minute corner for Paul Huntington to poke home against his former club. As it turned out, Stech's girlfriend was happily at home eating curry.

It got no better for the keeper, at fault for 2 Graham Cummins’ goals and unable to get near a John Welsh penalty as Preston returned to form. The result leaves them just 13 points outside the play-offs.
 
The first half was one of guts and relish and hunger. Courage, fortitude, bodies on the line. I wanted our players to stand up and be counted, cross the white line, step up to the plate and approach the line of scrimmage. And I think we did that.

It's a very thin line between blazing the ball over the bar and tapping it in, and it's not a line we have crossed courageously enough or consistently enough in recent weeks. 78% of our efforts have ended up in the crowd, 12% have rolled into the keeper's cap, 5% have been patted round the post and 3.5% have worried the woodwork.

We're talking hairline margins, wafer-thin fractions, but that's what we have to overcome if we want to win f'ball'm'ches. And believe me, I want to win f'ball'm'ches.

But sometimes, despite your best efforts and your guts, determination and fiddling about with a spreadsheet on the train, you're left waiting for the officials to see what you see, and give what you think they should give. But all too often, they seem to see and give something else entirely.

For the second half we were forced to regroup, obviously. Me and the lads talked about one or two things during the break, including a book I've been reading, but also what we might do in the second half.

Belief, strength, conviction. Valour. Those are 3, maybe 4 words I like to use around about this time in the match report.

Some days you can smell it in the air, that overwhelming taste of victory, and you can really sense that you're about to turn the corner, jump the lights, cross the viaduct, climb the staircase, burn the bridges, empty the dustbins. It's so tangible you can touch it.

And then other days, it's not.
 
Insane manager Graham Westley claimed to be pleased with the positive outlook displayed by his team in spite of their shipping another 3 goals at Yeovil. "As you know I like to look forward and I've been trying to get this across to the lads. They've made real progres in recent weeks and not even that succession of defence splitting through balls diverted Hunts and Robbo from the task. And Stucks was certainly focussed on lookign forward as he charged out of his area to take their forward out at the knees. And again when he ran after Robbo to give him a bollocking after getting sent off. AIMITA. Fucking refs are taking the piss again. I was pleased we won 78% of tackles in the centre circle in the opening 14 minutes. Thats the kind of platform you win games from. Did you know I once managed Stevenage?"

Westley's job is thought to be safe for now with club owner Trevor Hemmings heard to say that he "doesn't give a toss" when seen in the winners enclosure at Haydock earlier in the day and Westley heard saying "we've really pulled the wool over that wanker Ridsdale's eyes this time. Will he ever fucking learn" as he left the ground with long-time assistant John Dreyer.
 
This was a typical League 1 encounter , utter tripe in the first half and complete tosh in the second. Preston fought hard for a winning draw but Yeovil won 5-0.
 
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The first half was one of guts and relish and hunger. Courage, fortitude, bodies on the line. I wanted our players to stand up and be counted, cross the white line, step up to the plate and approach the line of scrimmage. And I think we did that.

It's a very thin line between blazing the ball over the bar and tapping it in, and it's not a line we have crossed courageously enough or consistently enough in recent weeks. 78% of our efforts have ended up in the crowd, 12% have rolled into the keeper's cap, 5% have been patted round the post and 3.5% have worried the woodwork.

We're talking hairline margins, wafer-thin fractions, but that's what we have to overcome if we want to win f'ball'm'ches. And believe me, I want to win f'ball'm'ches.

But sometimes, despite your best efforts and your guts, determination and fiddling about with a spreadsheet on the train, you're left waiting for the officials to see what you see, and give what you think they should give. But all too often, they seem to see and give something else entirely.

For the second half we were forced to regroup, obviously. Me and the lads talked about one or two things during the break, including a book I've been reading, but also what we might do in the second half.

Belief, strength, conviction. Valour. Those are 3, maybe 4 words I like to use around about this time in the match report.

Some days you can smell it in the air, that overwhelming taste of victory, and you can really sense that you're about to turn the corner, jump the lights, cross the viaduct, climb the staircase, burn the bridges, empty the dustbins. It's so tangible you can touch it.

And then other days, it's not.

Hahaha.
 
Hostage Stand-Off Continues

Preston Manager Graham Westley is continuing to hold the club's players hostage at Huish Park, five days after Preston's embarrassing 8-0 defeat at Yeovil.

Westley locked the squad in the dressing room after the final whistle and is refusing to let them out until they have proved that they can "literally sweat blood".

Local reporters have spent the last 120 hours waiting outside the dressing rooms for his press conference.

At one point a wide-eyed Westley did open the door slightly and demanded to speak to Radio Lancashire's Gary Hickson, but he slammed the door in his face when Hickson admitted he couldn't work out the square root of 39,242.

The only contact Westley has had with the outside world since then is a text message sent to Preston's Freelance Director of Footballing Advice But Not Chairman, Peter Ridsdale.

Ridsdale said the message contained nothing but a photo of Westley's own testicles.
 
A wet night at Huish Park was lit up by the Preston managers post match press conference. Westley stated that ‘the game was not lost until it was won, and that the first 90 mins of any match are the most important, ‘there’s only two ways to get the ball in football’ continued Westley ‘and ones off your teammates and that’s the only way, we didn’t do that’. When asked about the penalty which gave Yeovil the second goal, Westley commented ‘I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." Westley stated that ‘Preston had several chances throughout the game and although Yeovil had none they scored twice’ he continued, ‘footballs not just about winning, it’s about scoring goals as well ,after all we had 99% of the play, but just couldn’t go that extra 3%’ to cross the winning line’
 
Hostage Stand-Off Continues

Preston Manager Graham Westley is continuing to hold the club's players hostage at Huish Park, five days after Preston's embarrassing 8-0 defeat at Yeovil.

Westley locked the squad in the dressing room after the final whistle and is refusing to let them out until they have proved that they can "literally sweat blood".

Local reporters have spent the last 120 hours waiting outside the dressing rooms for his press conference.

At one point a wide-eyed Westley did open the door slightly and demanded to speak to Radio Lancashire's Gary Hickson, but he slammed the door in his face when Hickson admitted he couldn't work out the square root of 39,242.

The only contact Westley has had with the outside world since then is a text message sent to Preston's Freelance Director of Footballing Advice But Not Chairman, Peter Ridsdale.

Ridsdale said the message contained nothing but a photo of Westley's own testicles.

Raised a smile on my miserabke face.Very good.
 
As my mentor, young Mr Grace from Grace Brothers, would say:

You've All Done Very Well
 
PNE headed in to the match with Yeovil with an unchanged line-up for the first time this season, aside from former Yeoverite Huntington coming in for the suspended Wright...
 
In his post match interview Graham Westley said "We got no rub of the green tonight. The pitch was poor. The ref biased. The opposition were in-form and far too skillful. We missed Bailey Wright at the back. Huntindon's sending off for decapitating Madden seemed a little unjust. But I won't make excuses.

If you look at the stats we had 63% more goal kicks than them, 14% more throw ins and 35% more shots over the bar. We can take heart from that. 3-0 certainly flattered Yeovil. It was a close game. They scored all three goals in a 10 minute period. So for nearly 90% we matched up well. We got bodies on the line. We showed enough guts to win games at this level. We weren't far away from winning this one.

We just needed to add that little 10% extra effort and we'd of got a result. Moose will be back in contention against Bournemouth. He has a 2.1 points per game average. We are only 16 points off the playoffs. So he if can stay fit I am confident we can get 31.5 points from the next 15 games and sneak a playoff place.

The second half, of the second half of the season starts soon. That is when being in the promotion places matters. Not now. There's obviously a lot of work to do, but I've told the team to take the rest of the week off. They deserve some rellaxation. They did well tonight in very tricky circumstances. Expecting us to beat a top six side like Yeovil three times in one season was too much to ask of anyone. But 66% of the time we have done so.
 
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I have been shit. My players are shit. I have made everything a lot shitter. I have wasted the lives of Preston fans with my bravado and bullshit. I am sorry.

I will be donating my payoff to PNE to mop up some of the shit I left as a legacy - the damage to the club's reputation for a start.

The only good thing I did was lower the wage bill. Dino apologises too, in the form of unfolding his arms for 11 seconds. Farewell.
 
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