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Yeovil v Preston Match Report Predictor

The first half was one of guts and relish and hunger. Courage, fortitude, bodies on the line. I wanted our players to stand up and be counted, cross the white line, step up to the plate and approach the line of scrimmage. And I think we did that.

It's a very thin line between blazing the ball over the bar and tapping it in, and it's not a line we have crossed courageously enough or consistently enough in recent weeks. 78% of our efforts have ended up in the crowd, 12% have rolled into the keeper's cap, 5% have been patted round the post and 3.5% have worried the woodwork.

We're talking hairline margins, wafer-thin fractions, but that's what we have to overcome if we want to win f'ball'm'ches. And believe me, I want to win f'ball'm'ches.

But sometimes, despite your best efforts and your guts, determination and fiddling about with a spreadsheet on the train, you're left waiting for the officials to see what you see, and give what you think they should give. But all too often, they seem to see and give something else entirely.

For the second half we were forced to regroup, obviously. Me and the lads talked about one or two things during the break, including a book I've been reading, but also what we might do in the second half.

Belief, strength, conviction. Valour. Those are 3, maybe 4 words I like to use around about this time in the match report.

Some days you can smell it in the air, that overwhelming taste of victory, and you can really sense that you're about to turn the corner, jump the lights, cross the viaduct, climb the staircase, burn the bridges, empty the dustbins. It's so tangible you can touch it.

And then other days, it's not.

Insane manager Graham Westley claimed to be pleased with the positive outlook displayed by his team in spite of their shipping another 3 goals at Yeovil. "As you know I like to look forward and I've been trying to get this across to the lads. They've made real progres in recent weeks and not even that succession of defence splitting through balls diverted Hunts and Robbo from the task. And Stucks was certainly focussed on lookign forward as he charged out of his area to take their forward out at the knees. And again when he ran after Robbo to give him a bollocking after getting sent off. AIMITA. Fucking refs are taking the piss again. I was pleased we won 78% of tackles in the centre circle in the opening 14 minutes. Thats the kind of platform you win games from. Did you know I once managed Stevenage?"

Westley's job is thought to be safe for now with club owner Trevor Hemmings heard to say that he "doesn't give a toss" when seen in the winners enclosure at Haydock earlier in the day and Westley heard saying "we've really pulled the wool over that wanker Ridsdale's eyes this time. Will he ever fucking learn" as he left the ground with long-time assistant John Dreyer.

After fielding a team with square pegs in round holes Preston went down 3-0 to Yeovil , westley said the players let themselves down by trying to play football instead of sticking with the plan of running at the opposition and trying to knock them over . Ridsdale was unavailable for comment but was heard saying that was some losing draw he had just witnessed and the people of Preston must be very proud . The preston fans reacted by chanting for him to leave while oddly 1 or 2 made efforts to check his prostate with what appeared to be there tongues as he passed by . In the interview after the game Westley said he still hadnt given up hope of the play offs and also suggested some fans not only wanted him to stay but had knitted him a spring and summer ensemble to wear at BBQ,s up and down the north west i summer . Surf was banned from future radio commentary for shouting clucking bell or something and John Roper has accepted the new role as Clairvoyant with the LEP .

Hostage Stand-Off Continues

Preston Manager Graham Westley is continuing to hold the club's players hostage at Huish Park, five days after Preston's embarrassing 8-0 defeat at Yeovil.

Westley locked the squad in the dressing room after the final whistle and is refusing to let them out until they have proved that they can "literally sweat blood".

Local reporters have spent the last 120 hours waiting outside the dressing rooms for his press conference.

At one point a wide-eyed Westley did open the door slightly and demanded to speak to Radio Lancashire's Gary Hickson, but he slammed the door in his face when Hickson admitted he couldn't work out the square root of 39,242.

The only contact Westley has had with the outside world since then is a text message sent to Preston's Freelance Director of Footballing Advice But Not Chairman, Peter Ridsdale.

Ridsdale said the message contained nothing but a photo of Westley's own testicles.

Apologies that I have been a bit slow judging a winner for this competition. It's been such a difficult decision. I narrowed it down to a top four. Simo was doing so well with the accuracy of his 'shipping 3 goals' comment - but completely blew it by declaring that Westley's job is safe... because he was actually sacked the following day (11 years ago today).

I particularly liked dirk's description of Ridsdale's prostate check. MooneysMullet gave an excellent account - but I have decided that the prize goes to Thracia. Congratulations. You'll need sign back into the forum to claim the imaginary prize sometime in the next 11 years, or it will be voided.
 
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