Joey Barton: Fleetwood Town manager charged with actual bodily harm

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" Football manager, lover and thinker, Joey Barton, has turned the world of philosophy on its head with a revolutionary thought experiment, while on bail for alleged actual bodily harm, according to reports.

Barton’s contention, based on the work of the eighteenth-century philosopher, Bishop Berkeley, is that the objects of sense exist only when they are perceived, and it therefore holds that there is no possible way he could have nutted Barnsley manager, Daniel Stendel, resulting in a three-match suspension.

Barton said, “Sound is the vibration transmitted to our senses when one’s forehead makes contact with the fleshy part of
a rival’s face, but if there are no ears present to perceive it, save for those of the alleged combatants, surely it is just imaginary.

“Similarly, if the screams emitted by a fucking ponce with blood pouring from his nose were not actually heard, do they have any basis in reality?”

Meanwhile, Detective Inspector Simon Williams gave a withering assessment of Barton’s defence, reminding him that the five senses and a thought experiment are a poor substitute for CCTV evidence and the testimony of A&E doctors.

However, the Fleetwood Town boss countered the claims against him with a devastating critique of twenty-first-century surveillance technology.

“What is CCTV evidence, but the excitation of the retina due to the vibration we call light, which is then interpreted by the sensory organ we know as the brain,” he posited.

In conclusion, what appears to be my head in a collision with the lying gobshite, Stendel, cannot be consistent for individual observers in different frames of reference and is inadmissible as evidence.

“Also, if you lose 4-2 at home to Leyton Orient in the cup on a damp Tuesday evening, in front of an empty stadium, it never actually happened and the match should be replayed.. er.. played.

“Quod Erat Demonstrandum.”

Williams added, “Whatever. You’re going down for this, you fucking slag.” "
 
NORTHENDRTOPS said:
Im glad he always was a twat, if he has previous which I'm sure he has, the judge will throw the book at him. Expect him to plead not guilty.
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From the Liverpool Echo - "Joseph Barton, 36, of Widnes, has been charged with actual bodily harm contrary to section 47 assault and has been bailed to appear before Barnsley Magistrates Court on Wednesday, October 9, 2019. "

See what happens then , there may be a District Judge as the case is high profile & ' sensitive ' in lieu of a magistrates bench ? . As you say it depends how he pleads and it could be referred to Crown Court ? which would be ' interesting ' ?
 


"The Ultimate Fighting Championship is expected to swoop in for Joey Barton this summer after he once again demonstrated his natural ability in a post-match incident in the tunnel at Barnsley in April.


The Fleetwood manager has been charged with causing actual bodily harm after the incident, though it is said to have impressed the executives at UFC.


UFC insider Chuck Williams told reporters that they are always searching for athletic men to who are happy to hit each other with very little provocation, while also being quite good in front of the camera.


He went on, “Over the years Barton has cultivated a persona which can create controversy and nonsense simply by breathing in a particular way.


“We feel he would make a great addition to our roster of fighters, especially considering the hysterical atmosphere generated by US crowds.


“Even here in the UFC, I think he’d get a reputation as something of a firebrand.”


Meanwhile, UFC fans have admitted they are excited at the prospect of seeing Barton in the Octagon.


Fan Jake Matthews told us, “Joey has a long and distinguished track record of using violence when things aren’t going his way; punches, headbutts, even stubbing out cigars into the faces of other people – he can do it all. So I can’t wait to see him properly unleashed in the Octagon.


“Of course, the guys in UFC hit back pretty hard, so that in itself will be very entertaining – plus he might find it hard to play the philosopher by waxing lyrical about Immanuel Kant’s categorical imperative when a 15-stone fighting machine has tried to push his nose through the back of his head.


“So it’s win-win.”"
 
Marcus Lawrenso said:
From the Liverpool Echo - "Joseph Barton, 36, of Widnes, has been charged with actual bodily harm contrary to section 47 assault and has been bailed to appear before Barnsley Magistrates Court on Wednesday, October 9, 2019. "

See what happens then , there may be a District Judge as the case is high profile & ' sensitive ' in lieu of a magistrates bench ? . As you say it depends how he pleads and it could be referred to Crown Court ? which would be ' interesting ' ?
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Yes it would, he will have to attend, and of course ABH is much more serious than gbh, lets hope they sentence the bastard to 40 weeks watching shitpool
 
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