I have to say I agree with Nobber regarding choices. I grew up in kinship care, my nan took me and two of my sisters in whilst my brother went to an aunt and uncle and my youngest sister my mum kept. My mum just buggared off and left us kids, my dad could not cope and got a job that entailed a lot of travel.
I was the eldest of the family and trust me, we were not treated very well at all by my mum's family. My nan was lovely, most of my aunt's and uncles were a shower of shite, verbally and mentally very cruel. Even today at 56 I cannot talk about it for too long because I get very emotional. Now those people could have influenced my life either way, I could have CHOSEN to feel very sorry for myself for the rest of my life but, I chose to stick two fingers up and enjoy my life, make a go of my marriage and put everything into my own children so that they would never have to live like I did. I now foster a little girl myself (no relation whatsoever) but she calls me nan and my husband grandad. I know her pain and how to make it bearable, I chose to take a different path than my so called relatives.
The influences in your life as a child leave you with choices when you are older regardless of what anyone says. You can chose to continue the same way as you grew up or you can chose to live a completely different life, whether it be for the better or worse.
Lovely post Joan and very true.